Fast Forward University : Learn Fast, Advance Faster!

Making The Most of Holiday Parties
Joel Ospa

Holiday parties are just another form of work. The difference is that work has more structure than parties. At work you have a defined job, work assignments, and specific tasks to do. You have a calendar and a schedule. The people you most frequently interact with have familiar roles and behave in predictable ways.

Parties and after-hours activities are way more ambiguous. There is no explicit agenda, there are no goals, and there is no plan. So….why is it considered work?

Because, every contact and interaction you have with the people you work with, as well as every discussion, every comment, and every action is assessed and evaluated…. Are you a gossip? Can you keep confidences? Are you "trustworthy"? Do you have good common sense and judgment?

How you behave in these more informal situations will influence how people perceive you, and how they will deal with you in the more structured environment of work; what assignments you get; what meetings you're invited to; and ultimately, what type of career opportunities you'll have.

So what can you do? Here are some tips for managing your way through the party minefield….

Be smart about what parties and events you choose to attend. You're better off not going to a party than being in a place and with a group that could be awkward, embarrassing, or place you in a difficult situation.
Generally, don't drink alcohol… ginger ale in a wine glass looks like a lot of drinks… its hard to tell the difference between vodka and water. Like any rule, there are situations where it would be awkward to refuse a drink… like when everyone at a dinner is sharing a glass of wine. But nobody says you have to finish the glass! We've seen very skillful people push food around on their plate, and sip at a glass of wine, and appear to join in the meal; but, really don't! As an addendum… Don't choose food or drink that's messy to consume.
Don't be negative about people… colleagues, bosses, clients… even casual acquaintances (you rarely know the contact network of the people you're talking to!). This can be tricky in social situations where people become provocative. There are all sorts of phrases you can use which don't commit you and diffuse the issue. E.g. "I can understand why you feel that way". Good consultants and good sales people have learned how to be diplomatic and deflect the opportunity to disparage someone.
Plan your conversation:
- Think about what you're going to talk about beforehand…. only make it appear spontaneous. Have a variety of optional topics. If you're talking with someone you don't know, you're never sure how they're going to react to a particular line of conversation. Start with some neutral comments. In general… sports, art or entertainment are usually safe. But, most importantly, stick with what you know. Don't get engaged in a topic you know nothing about. In general, politics and religion are minefields. And just talking about business makes you lot too limited… that you have no interests outside of work.
- Look for an opportunity to make a point related to your expertise. Try not to be obvious. Think about how you might introduce the topic naturally in a conversation.
- Also keep in mind that listening is always safe… when you're "actively listening"… i.e. appear to be paying attention… the talker is really enjoying themselves.
Plan how you're going to enter a party where you may not know many people. Who do you talk to? How do you introduce yourself? Hint. Look for "odd numbers"…. Single people, people in groups of three, etc. There is more likely an opportunity to enter the group and conversation.

A final thought; it's really important to emphasize this issue. Trust and credibility are your most important personal assets. At the end of the day, what a senior executive asks is "Can I really trust Mary?"… Do I believe she can keep a confidence? Is she predictable and dependable? Can I believe what she says? Informal events… like holiday parties… frequently test this "T&C" factor. If your trustworthiness is questioned or damaged, you have a major career problem!!! So, guard it --- it is an important asset.