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My Boss Doesn’t Get It and Other Types
Dr. Dee Soder

Difficult bosses come in all flavors. Some common types are:

The Bully: Don’t let them rattle or overpower you. You can disagree, but pick your time carefully. If he or she is yelling, the boss may just be venting or blowing off steam—but not really angry at you. Whether truly angry or venting, wait until the tirade is over. Do not argue; they won’t hear you anyway. Just say you’ll take care of the problem. Resist the temptation to say “are you through now?” See a boss relatively soon after a difficult meeting, especially if the boss has really “lost it.” Most people make a mistake of staying away too long after a rough meeting. Sometimes humor can help the situation, but very few people can use humor wisely. For example, one client successfully joked after a tense meeting that next time he was going to check how the Packers did before the meeting; another said, “guess I really stepped in it yesterday….” My view is that discretion is the better part of valor—especially when it involves your boss.

The Insecure Boss: Especially challenging for fast-rising, results-oriented people! Focus on trying to make an insecure boss feel good, comfortable that you have their interests at heart. Don’t overpower them by an extroverted manner. Avoid the “I mentality”—think where they are coming from, not you. For example, one senior associate took his boss out for a game of golf and didn’t play well in an attempt to get closer to him. Big mistake—the boss was an average golfer, felt “the associate wasn’t playing to win.” He even told a few directors that the associate wasn’t to be trusted, that he was trying to play politics. Over-communicate with an insecure boss. Ask for their help, input and advice whether it is needed or not. Guard against talking too fast or finishing their sentences—this bad habit is apt to increase an insecure boss’ discomfort.

The Incompetent Boss: Bosses frequently lack technical knowledge of one or more areas. Indeed, corporations often put high potential executives in new areas and businesses as part of succession planning (for broadening purposes). Of course sometimes, they just “don’t get it” but senior management is unaware or has another motive. Whatever the reason, it is best to just focus on helping him or her gain the requisite information, background, or skills in a non-threatening manner or method. One client recommends an executive summary approach with easy-to-find and read appendices. The win strategy is fairly simple to implement, but if your boss is both insecure and incompetent, you’ve got your work cut out for you.

The Conflict Avoider: This type is optimistic and nearly always upbeat; the conflict avoider tends to paint the world with a pink brush. They typically avoid giving negative feedback. A higher percentage of these people are at the top of companies because they don’t tend to irritate or offend people on the way up. Typically, they have a colleague who handles the negative, unpleasant tasks. While a finance person may be used as the hatchet person, this can be a difficult relationship as they are often the carrier of bad news and supposed to have clear, not rose-colored, glasses. Whatever your role, a positive manner is key when dealing with a conflict avoider. Suggestions and jokes should be taken seriously, as this may be the way the conflict avoider communicates bad news. Similarly with this type, you have to listen very hard for what’s not being said. If told that A, B, and D are terrific—ask about C. Think about when and how to present and discuss a problem with this type.

The Non-Communicative Boss: Some executives, especially those who are private, more introverted or loners by nature, find it difficult to ask for help and to share information. Others are just extremely busy and don’t have time to talk. Someone who is typically private or reticent will get less talkative with stress. And busy executives and managers will have less time to talk when work is demanding. However, there’s always a time your boss will and can talk. If you have a stressed, non-communicative boss, go the extra mile—be there when they’re available. And be helpful - a glass of orange juice or a cup of coffee at a busy time can help start a conversation. Be careful not to answer too quickly or talk too much. Watch to see if you are the only person excluded from conversation. Allies are important with a non-communicative boss, because you need and can garner insights from others.

When To “Fire” Your Boss

You can’t always walk away from a bad boss—but there are times you can and should. When? Truly abusive, unethical bosses, sexual harassers, or in the case of illegality.